Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
