I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
