i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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