the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
