Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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