In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
