If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
