my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
