saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we're making bets on your personal life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
