Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
