is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
