I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize