is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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