If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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