I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
