Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
