wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
