told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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