I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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