Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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