Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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