im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
