Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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