Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
