i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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