I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm too high and old for this...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
