i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
