I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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