I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
