My first STD was from a foam party
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
