Apparently you make a good broom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
