There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
