Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
