This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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