Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
