he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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