The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
