can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize