shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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