I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
