She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
