Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
