She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
