Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
