I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize