Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
