big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
