checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
