I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
