If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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