Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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