i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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