u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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