1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
