apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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