I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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