I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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