saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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