thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
