I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry about my life...
I need to calm my uterus...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
