I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
