if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
