just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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