She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
