okay pat passed out under dana's car
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize