So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
