Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
