I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
