I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize