cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
