to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
