I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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