Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
