Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize