I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
