God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
