I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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