Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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