i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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