You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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