thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
