In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
