I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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