You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
